Supporting With Pride
- Jenna
- Jun 9
- 4 min read
A brief guide to supporting a LGBTQ+ relative during June, and every month.
Allyship is valued and necessary for members of the LGBTQ+ community: family support can make a major difference on mental health and wellbeing. LGBTQ+ adolescents experience mental health difficulties at a disproportionate rate with depression impacting 53%, and anxiety impacting 73% of LGBTQ+ teens (The Trevor Project, 2022). However, research also indicates that family acceptance and support serve as a protective factor against these rates.
According to research conducted by the Family Acceptance Project (FAP), family members have a direct impact on their LGBTQ+ identified child’s mental and physical health. The lack of family support, or negative messages surrounding their identity can contribute to anxiety, depression, and risk behaviors such as substance use. However, family support is associated with increased self-esteem and positive social relationships. As studied by the American Medical Association (2024), parent support serves as a protective factor against suicidal ideation, anxiety and depression.
It’s okay to make mistakes – the most valuable apology is actionable change: No one is perfect: if your loved one has asked you to use a different name and/or pronoun for them it may take some time to adjust. However, it is important to keep a conscious awareness of referring to your family member how they would prefer. If you make a mistake, apologizing and correcting yourself promptly can help with practicing this adjustment and taking accountability. Misgendering (using the wrong pronouns) or deadnaming (using a birth or previous name) can contribute to gender dysphoria, a condition that includes feelings of distress that results from having physical sex characteristics that differ from gender identity. Every time you use the correct name and pronouns for your loved ones, you are one step closer to supporting them in this journey!
Support looks different for everyone: The LGBTQ+ community is not a one-size-fits all approach to support. It may be helpful to ask your loved one which ways you can support them in their identity or mental health. This might look like accepting them by continuing to treat them no differently than you did before they came out. Others may want support in seeking community through local LGBTQ+ organizations, pride events or would like you to come with them for support. Overall, emphasizing acceptance, love, patience and autonomy: allowing your loved one to express how they would like to be supported.
Advocacy: It is also important to correct others when they use the wrong name or pronouns for your loved ones or otherwise contribute to homophobia. Don’t be a bystander to others: it is important to stand up on behalf of your loved one. Additionally, coming out is a life-long process that looks different for everyone. It is also important to understand your family members' readiness to share their identity with other members at their own pace. Sharing their sexuality or gender identity without permission can be called “outing” and can cause unintentional harm.
Listen, but also talk: Sexuality or gender identity does not have to be the elephant in the room! Family members can support their loved-one or child by encouraging open conversations about their identity, wellbeing and emotions. Having these open dialogues can establish the necessary trust for an individual to identify you as a trusted adult to come to for support or concerns.
Support: Another aspect of support is breaking the stigma surrounding receiving mental health care. Asking for help can be one of the largest barriers to receiving it. Has your family had (presently or in the past) a particular attitude or cultural norms that negatively contribute to attitudes surrounding seeking mental health care? It may be helpful for you or a loved one to pursue further support to guide through this transition.
Family counseling: Family Therapy can be a useful tool to increase communication, align goals and to work through any additional tensions in the family that may make family support more difficult. A loved-one or child coming out can be a major adjustment in the family, and it can be helpful to have a counselor to guide these conversations, collaborate on family goals and work toward family cohesiveness.
Seeking additional resources and research: There are a number of online resources that help guide family members who may still be processing their loved-ones coming out. A few resources can be found below:
https://www.strongfamilyalliance.org/ Is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting individuals who have a LGBTQ+ identified person in their family
https://familyproject.sfsu.edu/publications Family education brochures in multiple languages
https://pflag.org/glossary/ Glossary of terms used by the LGBTQ+ community.
In conclusion, your support provides a ripple effect toward the protective factors LGBTQ+ teens have when they have at least one supportive family member in their life. By showing up with unconditional love, encouragement and respect can help your loved one work towards self-compassion, well-being and resilience. By fostering open-communication, ownership of mistakes, and a listening ear at the pace of your loved one, you demonstrate a commitment to their journey, while also emphasizing that they are more than their LGBTQ+ identity. By creating an ongoing dialogue, you are able to adjust to their support needs as they change over time.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, help is available—you are not alone. These resources offer free, confidential support 24/7:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Website: https://988lifeline.org/
Call: 988 (English)
Text: Text “HELP” to 988 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth)
Trevor Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 (Available 24/7, 365 days)
TrevorText: Text “START” to 678-678
TrevorChat: Confidential online instant messaging, available 24/7
Website: https://www.thetrevorproject.org
References:
DelFerro J, Whelihan J, Min J, et al. The Role of Family Support in Moderating Mental Health Outcomes for LGBTQ+ Youth in Primary Care. JAMA pediatrics. 2024;178(9):914-922. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2024.1956
Family Acceptance Project. (n.d.). Family matters https://lgbtqfamilyacceptance.org/family-matters/
National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention, Division of Adolescent and School Health. (2013, November). Parents’ influence on the health of lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens: What parents and families should know. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/32923
The Trevor Project. (2022). 2022 National survey on LGBTQ youth mental health. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2022/
Comments