Holding Space for Grief This Holiday Season

The holidays bring up feelings of joy and happiness but for many they are another reminder of loss and grief. Holding space for grief during a season of joy can be hard and discouraging. People often feel like they are pulled in many emotional directions; one minute feeling happy and the next feeling sad. It is important to remember that two things can be true. One can feel immense pain and loss and one can also feel intense joy and happiness. It is also important to keep in mind that it doesn’t matter if your loss was this year or 10 years ago, this time of year can still be a struggle.    

Having a plan for the holidays is a great way to give yourself space for your feelings and emotions during this season. Here are some helpful tips to utilize during this time:

1. Determine what you want to prioritize this season and set your boundaries early. This will ensure you give yourself time and space for any grief related feelings over the holiday season. 

   
   

2. Do not shy away from your feelings and give yourself grace. This is a time to be gentle with yourself and listen to your mind/body. 

   
   

3. Be mindful of using alcohol or drugs as an escape from feelings. This is a slippery slope and can lead to unhealthy coping habits.  

   
   

4. Most importantly give yourself permission to change how the holidays will look. For example, maybe putting on the ornaments on the tree that you received from your mother who has passed away in the past year is too hard so instead you decide to have a tree with just lights this season. 

This might be a time to change traditions or embrace old ones. Either way be sure to communicate your feelings with partners, family, friends, etc. in order to best have your needs met. It could also be a time to explore a new tradition or remembrance activity to bring you closeness to your loved one. Share stories and memories of your loved one and reach out to those who will be supportive and lean on them during this time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from those you trust. 

Most importantly take care of yourself however that looks for you. For some that might be eating healthy, drinking water and for others it might be physical movement. Some might gain comfort and peace from prioritizing sleep/rest, and others might find reading a book or watching your favorite TV show comforting. Remind yourself there is no right or wrong way to handle grieving during the holiday season.