Is Your Therapist a Good Fit for You?
Finding a new therapist is a vulnerable and challenging experience for many. Maybe you’ve never been in therapy and don’t know where to begin or what questions to ask. Maybe you’ve had a couple of therapists throughout your life, but something still feels off.
What to look for in a therapist:
Start by reflecting on what is most important to you when picking a therapist. How do you want them to show up in the therapeutic space? Knowing your preferences can help you determine if someone is going to be a good fit sooner than later.
Do you value directness and feeling challenged or do you prefer validation?
A more direct therapist will name patterns they see in the moment and push back on those thoughts and patterns. A more validating therapist will help you acknowledge and accept your internalized experience.
Do you prefer more structure or flexibility?
A structured approach has a clear plan and often uses worksheets and other skill building exercises like roleplaying. Homework is used to continue skill building outside of the therapy session. A flexible approach means that a therapist often draws from multiple styles and flows with what you feel you need in the moment. This creates space for processing and reflection, but also space for specific skill building.
Do you prefer a clinician that leans more neutral and formal or casual and conversational?
With a neutral, formal therapist, you’ll likely encounter more clinical language and fewer personal opinions or reactions. With a casual, conversational therapist, you may find them outwardly warm, willing to share their thoughts, comfortable with humor, and less reliant on pathologizing language
Questions to Ask Your Therapist:
These questions can also be helpful at discerning if a therapist is a good fit. However, you can use these questions to prompt discussions with your therapist at any time.
How do they elicit feedback from you?
How do they handle rupture to the therapeutic relationship?
Can they explain how modalities, techniques, or other activities they use connect to your therapeutic goals?
How do they handle a client feeling stuck?
Knowing if it’s a good fit:
Once you’ve been seeing your therapist for some time, check in and reflect on your experiences.
How does the relationship feel?
How does the therapeutic relationship align with your needs (as identified above)?
When sharing something vulnerable, how is it addressed by your therapist? Do they remember what you said? Do they reference other experiences you’ve previously shared?
If there have been moments of rupture, did the therapist address it? Did you feel safe and comfortable sharing your experience without the therapist getting defensive? If the therapist didn’t handle it well initially, did they later address it and attempt to make amends and work toward repair?
Is there space for you to provide feedback on how therapy is going? If it feels icky, is it because you typically struggle with providing feedback, or is there something else going on in the therapeutic space that doesn’t allow for it?
Are you growing?
Do you feel challenged?
Where do you have more insight into yourself?
Do you feel more curious about yourself and others? What does that look like in session and in your everyday life?
What To Do If It Isn’t Working
Upon reflection if you find that your therapy experience isn’t as you imagined, then talk to your therapist about your concerns! Many concerns can be addressed with a conversation. It is possible that it comes down to a skill or personality mismatch, but don’t let that discourage you! Your therapist might have a referral or they can help you tailor questions and language to aid in your search. It’s also okay if it takes 2-3 tries before you find the right fit.
Finding the right therapist is rarely a one-step process. Knowing what you value, asking questions, and checking in with yourself along the way are all part of building a relationship that works for you. The right fit is someone who challenges you in ways that feel supportive, makes room for your feedback, and helps you feel more curious about yourself and the people in your life. If you’re starting your search, consider bringing a few of these questions to a first session or consultation call.
And if you’re ready to take the next step, we’d love to hear from you.
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